She Wouldn’t Give the Go-Ahead


I was prepared for many of the changes that accompany aging.  I realize not everything can stay in its original shape and form or work like it always did, but I was totally unprepared for what happened last week.

I don’t have any fond memories of going to the dentist. As a child, I went for regular checkups and cleanings.  I don’t know why there were called ‘regular’ because there was nothing regular about them. I remember how the dentist put his little dental pick in the hole and left it there while he called my mother into the room to take a look.  I guess he did all that to justify to my mom that he needed to drill and fill.  Once he got her go-ahead, he drilled and filled and he did it without Novocain. Let me clarify.  He drilled and filled without giving me the Novocain.  Hell, I didn’t know that stuff existed until I was in high school and went to a real dentist.

Let’s just say that fifty years of regular-but-not-so-regular dental visits have finally taken their toll.  Old mercury fillings that were once shiny have lost their luster.  A few years back, a semi-real dentist wanted the go-ahead to replace all of them, but my mom wouldn’t give it. Hah, that’s fabulously funny; the vision of my mom still taking me to the dentist and giving the go-ahead to drill and fill her over 50-year-old daughter’s teeth.  Anyway, I didn’t give the go-ahead, until last week when everything went to hell in a hand basket and I had access to a real-real dentist.

It began with a scheduled 2-hour appointment.  I knew it was gonna be bad simply because I’ve never spent 2 hours in a dentist’s chair.  I thought about taking a pillow and blanket along with my cell phone, headphones, and Hulu app so I could get comfy and watch a couple episodes of Handmaid’s Tale while the dentist did her thing.  Hell, throw in a pair of pajamas and slippers and I’d spend the day provided I was jacked up on enough Novocain.

The appointment turned out to be quite the experience. The real-real dentist drilled, filled, scraped, and packed.  She color-coded, molded and glued.  I think I saw a paper clip, stapler, and some aluminum foil go in there too. At the end of 2 hours, I still had all my teeth and they were the same shape and form as when she started. I can’t fully use them for a few weeks so I’m still adjusting.  I know what you thinking and fortunately, you’re wrong.  I didn’t get dentures.  My mom wouldn’t give the go-ahead.

Happy Mother’s Day and thanks for reading my fabulously funny stories about every day life. Remember to share the laughter!

Eliza G.

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