I wanted to wrap up my Christmas shopping with a stop at a Bath & Body Works.  I don’t buy their stuff when it’s full price because I can’t see spending $12 on a bottle of lotion so I can “put the lotion on the skin.”  That’s a quote from the movie Joe Dirt.  Yes, I know, I have low standards, but it’s a funny movie and the quotes live on at my house.  Anyway, I will splurge on sale items at B&BW such as 3-wick candles for $8.95 and an additional 20% off with the coupon. The candles smell good, but on ‘wrap up day,’ something was fishy.

It seemed that everyone in the neighborhood wanted in on the candle special. The store was filled with people carrying bags and boxes that overflowed with smelly candles.  Shoppers sniffed and snorted everything in sight as they decided which scent was the best for their secret Santa.  One lady was so excited she dropped a candle and broken glass went everywhere. While she probably was embarrassed, it was an ingenious way to clear an area so she could shop without other customers grabbing her stuff and crowding her out.  I’ll have to remember to drop it like it’s hot the next time I want to shop in peace at the candle store.  That’s a shout out to my buddy Snoop Dog. No, not you Martha, just Snoop.

I know, about now you’re starting to wonder about the fishy part. Well, it happened when it was time to check out. There were four lanes, four cash registers, and four candle ringer-uppers.  I looked down and noticed that a wise person had placed tape on the floor to mark the lanes. Each lane was numbered and aligned with a register and a ringer-upper. I picked lane 3, which was right next to lane 4, and got in it. As the line moved up, I noticed the lady in front of me wouldn’t commit to a single lane. She hung out between lanes 3 and 4.  As each shopper checked out and left to go burn their candles, the line moved up and so did she…in lane 3.5. “What’s this?” I thought. “Something fishy is going on. You’re either in lane 3 or 4. Lane 3.5 doesn’t exist. The tape on the floor says so. So, make a decision and go with it.”  But she didn’t.  She rode lane 3.5 long enough to see which line, the one in lane 3 or lane 4, reached a ringer-upper first. Now I’ve seen people in the grocery store move from one lane to the other because they thought the other moved faster, but after a few stutter steps they eventually committed.  Not this lady.  And, she messed up the lines behind her because people didn’t know whether to follow the taped off lanes or line up behind something fishy.

I don’t know why one person caused something fishy while I was wrapping up my Christmas shopping with a stop at B&BW.  It rubbed me the wrong way. All she had to do was pick a lane and stay in it.  Instead, she was more concerned about being first and getting out ahead of everyone else.  I think she’s gonna find a special candle in her stocking on Christmas morning-a fishy one.