Need Help, Not a New Hair Color

There’s been a lot going on in my neck of the woods over the past couple of months.  Now that I think about it, ‘Neck of the woods’ is a funny phrase and I probably shouldn’t be using it.  I don’t live near the woods although recently, I’ve wondered if I should.

The big going on happened in September.  Her name was Florence and she was a real b*%ch.  Although she was good to me, she wasn’t very nice to some of my friends and neighbors.  A lot of places closed because of her visit, including my workplace.  That meant I could go and help my friends and neighbors who were less fortunate. I guess you could call those few last sentences a humblebrag if you want.  The truth is, I’m not looking to up my social status by sharing that I have a job, wasn’t impacted by a b*%ch, at least not that one, and that I had time to volunteer. Instead, I have some advice to share with those who want to help others during a tragedy, so I had no choice.

My husband and I worked at a local non-profit’s donation collection site in the days following the disaster.  We recorded donations so people could claim them on their taxes and sorted everything into piles so that delivery trucks could easily pick it up, get it out to distribution sites and to the people who needed it.  I was touched by the generosity of so many people.  I also was struck by what people donated to help those who are trying to survive during a disaster.  Don’t misunderstand, there were a lot of needed donations like canned meats and vegetables, peanut butter and jelly, baby food and formula, and diapers for adults and babies.  But there also were donations that made me wonder what in the hell were people thinking.

A used pillow with yellow staining from a little too much drooling while beaver sleeping, a bag filled with half-full bottles of hair dye and an old hairdryer, a stack of Christmas cards and envelopes held together with a rubber band, and a collection of used carpal tunnel wrist braces are just a few examples of the donations that made me wonder. I envisioned a newly homeless woman or man propped up with the pillow, waiting for the hair dye to release while writing holiday cards with a piece of charred wood from last night’s campfire and using a wrist brace to avoid a major writing injury.  I know, I could add ‘while wearing adult diapers’ but that wouldn’t be right given the circumstances.

So here’s some advice from someone who doesn’t live near the woods, but is wondering if she should…when a b*%ch comes to visit, don’t clean out your drawers and closets and donate everything you should throw in the garbage to someone who is trying to survive after the b*%ch leaves. They need help, not a new hair color.

Thanks for sharing the laughter!  Have a #fabulousfunny day!

Eliza G.

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Reminds me of the people who used to bring their kids to volunteer at the animal shelter and then leave us to watch their kids. Felt like calling the cops a couple times and reporting abandoned children.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Eliza G says:

      Thanks for sharing! That is fabulously funny!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wynne Hagaman says:

    Oh my, this one was really funny. I don’t laugh much but what you envisioned made me howl.

    Danielwalldammit’ response was equally good.

    Thank you both for the belly laughs.


    1. Eliza G says:

      Thanks, Wynne! I’m so happy to hear we made you laugh!


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