While traveling for the Thanksgiving holiday, I stayed at a hotel and ate in the dining room. Little did I know there would be a lot of pretending.

Upon arrival in the dining area there was not a soul in sight.  I knew that meant things were not going to go well but I didn’t want to get back in the car after just getting out.  I told myself it would get better, but myself was skeptical and so was my husband who searched for someone to wait on us. When he finally summoned the waitress from the breakroom she pretended she had been watching for customers but that we “snuck through.” Hmmm, there was no snuck through involved. We walked right across the main lobby in plain sight.  Oh and by the way, is it still okay to use the word waitress?  I often hear the hostess tell me who my server will be so I’m thinking waitress might be a no-no. Actually, now that I think about it, hostess also could be a problem.

Anyway, back to the real story.  Following protocol, the waitress brought drinks and asked for our order.  I said, “I’ll have the tomato basil soup and a”…I was immediately cut off. “We are out of soup,” said the waitress. Yes, I know what you’re thinking and you’re right-it fits perfectly here.  So let’s pause for a snicker and move on.

As I sat there with no soup for you and recognized that once again I had found the flaw, I drank all my water and was ready for more. Of course, the waitress was nowhere to be found.  She told us to let her know if we needed anything, which is pretty hard to do when we can’t find her.  I think they teach that in waitress school-make it sound like you’ll be nearby but then go and hide so nobody can ask for anything.  When it’s been awhile and you know the customer is pissed, walk over to the table and pretend you’ve been around the whole time.  Our waitress must have gotten an A in that class because when she finally showed up with the water pitcher she pretended that I had just taken the last sip.  She smiled and told me she was gonna help me out and “feel me up.” Oh, my mistake, “fill me up.”

Next came bill time.  Wanna guess what happened?  Go ahead, you can do it and I know you’ll get it right-She was nowhere to be found. We sat, and sat, and sat, and when she knew we were pissed she walked over to the table pretending she was nearby the whole time.  She put the bill on the table-right in a puddle of salad dressing.  Smiling and knowing full well what she had done, she pretended she didn’t and walked away.

I know, I’m being hard on someone who probably isn’t paid well and has to pretend she cares about serving weary travelers who want soup, expect water refills, and need a bill so they can pay it.  So, the next time I travel, I’m gonna pretend to go to the hotel dining room, but I’m really gonna eat somewhere else.

Thanks for following my #FabulouslyFunny stories and always remember to #ShareTheLaughter

Eliza G.